Bitter Wife: Pilsner Edition

Living with Stout Man means a lot of adventures that involve ranking things, tasting things, and usually both. Never have I met someone who so loves to make top five lists. So it was not really surprising when he suggested a pilsner taste test - a thoughtful concession to basically the only kind of beer that I like (it is NOT his favourite).

Here's how it worked: Stout Man bought five pilsners (I was not told which ones), which he poured into numbered tasting glasses. I tasted each one, taking careful notes (of course), and then ranked them from favourite to least favourite. Stout Man then revealed the secret beer identities, and we marveled at how my unbiased preferences did or did not line up to my regular beer purchases. Yes, marriage can be this exciting! #saturdaynight

I am not a beer expert like Stout Man, and I really only drink pale lagers, so I don't have his meticulous process, but I do okay. I smelled each contender, sipped it carefully, and tried as much as possible to identify subtle notes of whatever. Here are my judgments, from least to most preferred:

5. Stone Hammer Pilsner

The colour was very light - the second palest overall. That's as detailed as I can get about colour, so deal with it. 

Right away I noted a strong, sweet, fruity smell - like apples. This was underscored by a faint odor of burnt caramel; usually a pretty appealing feature, especially in concert with apples, but not what I'm looking for in a beer. The taste was also sweeter than I prefer, although mercifully there wasn't much of an aftertaste. 

I know what I want in a pilsner - light, crisp, a little bit of body and some fizz (an area where this beer also came up short). Stone Hammer seemed like it was trying to be a different kind of beer. Altogether too sweet and bread-y for my taste. Like expecting a refreshing bite of apple and finding yourself with a mouthful of French toast instead.

4. Old Style Pilsner

You might recognize this one from the fun, colourful can - a hype to which the contents were sadly unable to live up. The smell of this one was clean, light and metallic - definitely promising. It was also pleasantly fizzy.

The metallic quality translated better into scent than taste, as it became the overwhelming feature on the palate. I'll just say it: this beer tastes uncomfortably like blood. I feel like taking my iron pill that day might have been overkill. 

It's too bad, because Old Style had some of the best features of a pilsner - the fizziness was on point, it was light in colour, and crisp, with basically no aftertaste (in my notes I wrote, "not my fave taste but at least I'm not still tasting it.") Unfortunately, these good qualities were overwhelmed by the vampire lager quality.

3. Creemore Springs Traditional Pilsner

This one was right in the middle of the five on the colour spectrum. It was the first one I tried, and I felt right away that I wasn't going to be very good at this because I could not detect a smell at all. I ended up snorting some into my nostrils (elegant). The smell is VERY faint, a thin citrus whiff.

In taste, the citrus promised by the scent is basically non-existent. This one has a malty flavour I wasn't thrilled by, but it only lasts a second. In fact, this beer has never heard of aftertaste - basically immediately after drinking it, I have forgotten it exists. In that sense it would probably make a good session beer, but I do prefer something more refreshing and with a bit more fizz. 

I liked it - it was a bit bold in taste for a pilsner, which I admire, without being overwhelming. I needed a little more overall character though. I don't think I would remember ever tasting this if I wasn't writing it down right now.

2. Steam Whistle Pilsner

Full disclosure: this is my go-to beer order, so I was relieved that it ended up placing so high. It was the darkest of the five in hue, with a very faint citrus smell not unlike the Creemore, although with a bit more follow through.

The taste was a little maltier than I would usually go for, with a great citrus back-kick. The words I used in my notes were "ambitious" and "well-constructed" and I stand by them. It tasted like it fancies itself a more full-bodied beer but isn't quite there (I also wrote "keep dreaming, little guy!"). 

The Steam Whistle had a perfect refreshing fizziness, and the citrus saved the more full taste that I wouldn't usually care for. I was surprised to find it was Steam Whistle, which I always felt had a skunk-y edge that I didn't taste here; Stout Man posited that the green bottle could have that effect, and for this test we were using tall cans.

1. Pilsner Urquell

My surprise favourite! I detected absolutely no smell (this might actually have been the one that went up my nose - or maybe that happened twice). Already I'm on board; no smell means light and sessionable.

The taste was a perfect pilsner balance: just fizzy enough, a very slight malty aftertaste to add some interest, along with a tiny skunk-y kick. This is what I thought Steam Whistle tasted like - who knew that all along, Pilsner Urquell was my favourite beer?

There's nothing else to say about this one because there is nothing else to it, and that's how I like my pilsners. Not quite forgettable - just inconsequential enough to make it easy to order another.

Cheers!

Bitter Wife (no, not that one!)

Brazilian Brew: Colorado Demoiselle

A buddy of mine, the impossibly charming William Newcastle, has spent the last several months in Brazil. While there, he's found the opportunity to knock back the occasional brew, and in a show of generosity, has sent me a couple of reviews. Here's the first:
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As you know, I’m in Sao Paulo for a few months. I thought your readers might like to hear about some of the more interesting beers that paulanistos like to drink.

The people here mostly drink four or five brands of domestic light pilsners, along with Budweiser, and Heineken. These beers are entirely predictable. Luckily, a reasonable variety of dark beers (cerveja escura), including several German brands augments that limited selection.

While the pilsners here are nothing to write home about, I will mention one neat thing about how they are consumed. In the many cafés and barzinhos here, people order 900 mL bottles of beer that come to the table in cozies or ice buckets. The locals then watch the street or the futebol match while sipping their drinks from 200 mL glasses. A most convivial way to drink socially.

The first beer I’ve picked to review is a strong porter called Demoiselle from a small brewer in Sao Paulo state named Colorado. Another Canadian here named Eddie helped me finish a bottle and write this review.

A rough translation of the back-of-bottle description of the beer says:

“This porter, robust and laden with the aroma of coffee, has national and imported ingredients of the highest quality, used with artisanal method and with an exotic touch. The coffee used in making the beer comes from the Alta Mogiana region and was cold processed before being added to the beer, keeping intact all its complexity and wealth of flavor”

The beer pours with a light tan head that quickly dissipates. In the glass, the beer has a flat, off-black colour, somewhat darker and more opaque than cola.

Its nose is heavy on chocolate and coffee, with a subtle burnt sugar presence.

Unsurprisingly for a beer that advertises where it gets the coffee that it uses (an area close to the brewery in Riberão Preto, in the northeastern part of the state) the strongest taste to present itself is coffee. 

This beer is sweet for a porter, but is far from syrupy. It is sweet-ish. It is also refreshing with bright carbonation. Paradoxically, its finish definitely lingers – leaving notes of chocolate, smoke and woodsy-ness behind.

At 6% ABV, this strong beer is warming without being boozy.

It was worth picking up for its label art and local status alone, and it was definitely worth the try. However, given my limited time here I am not sure I’ll get it again in the face of all the other beer available.     

 Rating: 8/10

Guest Review: Molson Canadian Cider--Stone Fruit

My lovely wife received a couple of freebie cans of Molson Canadian's Stone Fruit Cider as a Klout perk. They languished in the back of the fridge for a few months, until finally she decided to crack one open. I suggested a guest review. She demurred. "It's not beer," said she. "No shit," I tried not to say. Instead, I observed, "It's my blog, and I can post whatever I want." Even if it is stupid cider. So here are her thoughts, as elaborated on by yours truly:

Molson Canadian Stone Fruit Cider comes in at 5% alcohol and is sold in a 473mL can. "It smells like apple juice" and "tastes peachy". She notes that peach is the overwhelming flavour, but "there's a ghost of apricot." Described as "almost a perfume-y taste", she notes that this cider wasn't as juicy as expected.

In sum, the Missus observed that Molson's Stone Fruit Cider isn't refreshing, but drinks easily. My favourite part of her review is the following: "I wouldn't buy this, but I can finish it." So there.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10.

Guest Post! Miles Davis' Bitches Brew

An awesome dude that I met in Albuquerque asked if he could write occasional guest posts on the ol' blog.  This dude is most excellent, with fine taste in beers and a similar outlook on life to my own.  Of course I said yes.  Here is his inaugural guest post:

First, a little about myself.   I am a professional, who currently resides in Dallas, Texas (USA).  I too am desperately trying to hang on to a modicum of coolness.  I met Ed in Albuquerque, New Mexico (USA) in 2008, while we both were serving a summer internship.  I got to know him through our mutual appreciation of good music and good beer.  For the past year, I have really enjoyed Ed’s blog.  I recently approached Ed about occasionally contributing beer reviews for beer that I think he may enjoy, and are only available regionally.  Just as Ed has helped me vicariously enjoy beer that is not available in my region, I hope that I am able to do the same for Ed and his readers. 

As for the beer I will be reviewing, I tend to gravitate towards IPAs and red ales in the summer months, brown ales in the fall, and stouts and porters in the winter.   I really appreciate a strong flavour profile in the beers I drink, so I tend to avoid mass market pilsners, and stick to beers so hoppy it feels like a punch in the mouth. 

I hope you enjoy my occasional reviews.

Cheers, y’all (it’s a Texas thing). 

Miles Davis’ Bitches Brew, is a limited edition Imperial Stout brewed by the Dogfish Head Brewery (Delware, USA) in honor of the 40^th anniversary of Miles Davis’ game changing album of the same name.   I live near a gas station that has one of the best rotating beer selections I have ever seen.  Because I frequent the store so often, the clerk at the store lets me know in advance about limited edition beers that will be passing through.  Although at first I was hesitant to try this beer, partly because it was nearly $20 (USD) for a single 750ml bottle, my love for Miles Davis and my past experiences with beers made by Dogfish Head was enough to warrant a purchase.  

I poured the beer from the bottle into a goblet.  The beer pours thick, almost a motor oil consistency, with a very thin caramel coloured head.  It has a very sweet, almost burnt caramel scent.  When you taste it, it comes on like a strong and complex imperial stout.  I noticed that as the beer got to room temperature, the flavour profile opened up quite a bit, and you could taste hints of dark chocolate.  It is very heavy on the tounge, and you can definitely taste the toasted malts.  In addition to hops, this beer is brewed with gesho root, which is used in African beers in place of hops, and honey.  You can taste this on the finish.  The beer finishes very clean, and does not leave the slightly bitter aftertaste like a dark Russian Imperial Stout would.  It is on the finish you get a smokey honey flavor, and a slightly bitter flavour, which I think is the gesho root.  For being such a strong beer (9.0% ABV), you do not taste the alcohol at all.   

The purchase was well worth it, and the beer does live up to the album that it commemorates.  If you come across this beer, I highly recommend you try it, as it was produced in limited quantities and it was one of the best Imperial Stouts that I have had in quite some time.